Saturday, May 25, 2013

345/365: Eye on the Finish Line

Tonight I took some time to catch up with one of my oldest friends and closest confidants. I confided in her that the last few weeks of my 365 project are proving to be some of the most daunting. I've been returning to unfinished projects and the drafts of old blog posts that I haven't been able to keep up with while attending to family and work. On top of that, I am ready to begin work on a new project that I'm very excited about; the ideas keep flowing, so I must collect them. I am focusing too much on the past and future to find the energy I need to focus on my present creations. I'm feeling burned out. I hate that I'm having these thoughts of "I'm over it," so close to the finish line.

My friend's response was that perhaps I should just allow myself to be done, that if I learned what I needed to learn in 345 days then I can call it finished. She gently suggested that I shouldn't force it, that doing it out of obligation would be less meaningful. She made very good points and I know she meant well, but the more I think about it, it's so not what I needed to hear. I guess what I'm needing is support from my biggest fans, shouting their encouraging words and showing belief in me as I enter the tiring last leg of this journey.

I've come too far to quit now. There will be a natural ending, but this is not it. I'm trying very hard not to get worked up at the lack of interest, understanding and encouragement from most of my nearest and dearest. And I have to remind myself, it's important to me and that's what matters. I'm doing this for myself. I have to encourage myself to keep going. I have to find my own meaning in my own time. This is the time to muster up all my courage and intrinsic motivation. I will continue to find joy and meaning in every step left on my journey. I will cross the finish line, even if no one is watching. And then I will celebrate as if it's all 33 birthdays packed into one, for the opportunity of constant rebirth that I've given to myself.

1 comment:

  1. Silly girl you're thinking to hard again. Instead of taking pleasure in the daily sharing of your creativity you have let it become a chore. Step back and think about how excting it was when you first revealed to the world what you were doing. Re-read your first post when you made your commitment and then go find the one about day 200 that ruined gave yourself permission to slack off...I'm willing to bet that's when all this struggle and frustration started. You were just as busy and just as confused and just as overwhelmed a year ago (if not a little more so) and you still managed to post everyday.
    I maintain a blog a Facebook page and a website and most of them time it's a royal pain in my you know where to keep them all up but I do it for the people that take 5 minutes a week out of their busy life to look at what I did. You can make it through 20 made it through 200 hundred before you started slacking off. I have all the faith in the world that you can do it. As for all of the blanks....fill them in like this
    Day 304-306 - I spent time with my Mama...she is the one that taught me Creative is ok. Boom done! We all have crazy lives and sometimes short and simple is the way to do it.
    Please don't sputter out have been one of the single most driving forces behind my inspiration in the last year. I am so proud of you for what you've done and I can't wait to see whats next
    You if anyone can do this