#8

Harnessing My Chi

watercolor pencil 

It's been a little over a month since my 365 project  wrapped up, and let me tell you, I have had to exercise insane amounts of patience while my muse is off gallivanting on her summer vacation. She's due to return any day now, but in the meantime, I've taken my own little mental vacations- an evening here, a weekend there- to just decompress.

It's not that I haven't been inspired. I have a bounty of ideas to pull from, but somehow the days have slipped by without much art getting made. I blame it on creative burnout. I showed up for myself so much over the last creative year of my life that I simply needed a break from showing up. A year ago, I would have let my inner critic tear me a new one over this "wasted time," but now I just tell her to take a hike. I'm harnessing my chi. 

I must admit though, a few weeks is enough for me to recognize that I deeply miss that intentional  connection with my creative spirit that occurs when I dive deep into the creative process. While I know that showing up and committing to some play time with my paints and papers may very well bridge the gap between burnout mode and creative connection, my cluttered mind makes me hesitate.

But rather than getting depressed at my lack of creative output, I've been spending time combating the mental & environmental clutter. I think I finally (finally!) recognize that this just needs to be a regular form of maintenance in my creative life. Instead of waiting for the physical and mental clutter to pile up and spending days or weeks working through it, I need to check in with myself on a regular basis. I need to move some things around. I need to move the energy around to keep a healthy flow.

This week, it's looking like this:
Organizing ephemera for collage, cleaning up the project files on my computer, sorting through a mass of photos, and writing affirmations against all the unproductive thoughts that inevitably creep in during such down time.

I've been jotting all these little tasks and affirmations down in my daily planner as a way to recognize that I am making progress in my creative life. I know these baby steps benefit my greater good. They've kept my antsy inner critic at bay, and they've allowed me time to process the swell of emotions that came (rather unexpectedly) with the culmination of my last big project. Best of all, they are all efforts towards creating space, both in my environment and in my mind. Space allows for clarity and clarity is what I need to decide where I'm going to focus my energy and attention next.

I know all these organizing tasks will get forgotten when I'm off and running on my next passionate project, so I'm simply looking at this ebb in my creating as time that I've been blessed with to get things in order. I remind myself, yet again, it's a necessary part of the process. I'm learning that the creative life is not just about flinging paint and producing satisfying works of art. Though we may wish the bulk of our creative time was spent at this,  it also takes daily maintenance to keep our minds open to receive inspiration and to keep our intentions aligned with our values.

Creative energy ebbs and flows. How do you harness your chi to get the energy flowing back where you want it?

356/365: Ride the Wondrous Whimsy

Today I'm cutting up old photos, painting watercolor clouds and contemplating winding roads- both in life and in the creative process. I am learning so much on this journey...

mixed media: watercolor & collage with found images, scrap paper & bike photo

166/365: Prickly Feelings May Come Up

Today I made:
art & journaling in response to a quote...

"Prickly Feelings May Come Up" art journal page;
watercolor & India ink on watercolor paper: Mila Bowman 2012

I've heard it said that artists are a moody bunch. Our keen senses trigger emotions. We feel deeply. We dive into the pits of despair and climb back up to elation in a matter of moments. Lately, this has been the case for me, but I don't believe this is exclusive to "artists." Anyone who is in a creative state of change will come up against a mix of prickly feelings. Whenever we step out of our comfort zone to take more control of creating authentic lives that will make us happy, we make ourselves vulnerable to feelings of fear, self-doubt, confusion, overwhelm, anxiety, loneliness, and more of the prickly stuff. Whether we're trying to design or redesign our lives to accommodate new family members, a move, a change of career, or the building of a dream, these are feelings we must face. At this point in my life and my creative journey, I can't help but acknowledge that I brought this all on myself. I invited these feelings into my life.

But who's to say these feelings are bad and should be avoided at all costs? Aren't they all a part of this wild ride we're on? We would all have to face challenges one way or another. If I take some of them on willingly (like when I veer off my prescribed path in search of bigger happiness), I may get some good practice for overcoming other big challenges. Sparring with our self-imposed fears and doubts can prepare us for other struggles in life.

The fantastic news is, there is a flip side to these feelings! We find that sunny side by facing the dark stuff head-on. On the other side of fear there is courage. If we toy with self-doubt, we are forced to overcome by learning to build faith and trust. If we take on anxiety, we will eventually learn to find peace. Our vulnerability opens us to a deep truth that may inspire others. It's part of our hero's journey. It's all ours to work out and overcome.

So is it worth it?
It is for me. The creative process can be a rough road at times, but it is a road that inevitably leads me back to the best parts of myself. The introspective parts, the brave parts, the honest, tender, compassionate, patient, determined, inspired and curious parts-- they are all on the other side of those uncomfortable feelings that may come up when we take on this journey.

So yes, I am moody and isolated at times. I mope and fret and rehash my mistakes, but it's because I'm preparing for a stealthy ninja-like attack on the negative feelings. I'm excited to feel what's on the flip side.

133/365: Head in the Clouds

Today I made:

note to self #3...

watercolor, ink & rubber stamp image on watercolor paper

114/365: Love Note to Self

Today I made:

artwork for a special quote...

"Dear Human..." words by Courtney A. Walsh

"Love Note to Self"- art by Mila Bowman: crayon resist illustration and watercolor on watercolor paper

86/365: Everything Will Be OK

Today I made:

a note to self... 

watercolor paint and India ink on watercolor paper, 8"x12"
original sketches & hand lettering; "BE OK"= letter stamps