My creative process here on the blog is much like that. As far as I know, most days, my microphone is off and no one is listening. The thought of this leaves me free to be myself, to be here for myself. I suspect that if I am allowed to do this work fully for myself, it will be more authentic. I will have more truth to share when I reach out to connect with others.
My posts often read like journal entries because they are. I let myself be imperfect and vulnerable because it's actually easier than pretending I have it all together. This is me figuring it out. It just happens to be accessible to the world. I understand it's not everyone's cup of tea and that even my supporters can't always keep up with my ramblings. I realize that most days, I am speaking to an empty room.
So what has possessed me to keep going? While my imagined audience has no doubt helped to keep me accountable, the responsibility is always to myself. It has been and will continue to be enough. I am proud to say I am self motivated after all! I'm motivated to learn and grow for the sake of learning and growing. I can commit to meaningful projects. I do believe in myself. I am well past the point of letting personal setbacks or lack of support from family and friends stop me. I am actually beginning to contemplate what's next. How much further can I take this process of self-discovery?!
Then I am reminded of my other goal with this blog. My bigger purpose is to share my learning and spread the message about the importance and joy of creativity. To encourage, motivate and inspire others who want to grow their creative lives. I can't do that sitting alone in my art studio or scrawling my thoughts in the pages of a private journal. My urge to connect and share is growing right along with the personal growth that is taking place. I think these two goals feed one another.
Actual singing aside, I ultimately do want my voice to be heard. Maybe I'm not ready to flip the mic on every day, but I've climbed onto the stage and am rehearsing my message.