|mixed media journal page; quote form Alice in Wonderland|
I'm two weeks in to my new schedule and my morning creativity practice is not going at all like planned. I have yet to fall into a groove that leaves me feeling satisfied with how I use the extra time in my day. The time still seems to get swallowed up by other, (less important, but somehow more demanding) things.
My inner critic is smirking in the corner. "You must not want it badly enough," she taunts, "Or you'd take it seriously and make it happen. I knew you couldn't pull it off."
Truth or unnecessary roughness? I can't decide. I do know this about myself and my creativity: things flow more smoothly when I'm gentle with myself and give myself time and space. Having too high expectations (my dream morning list is feeling like this now) and beating myself up when I don't achieve them is so counterproductive to my growth.
Old habits are hard to break. Old thought patterns are too. Maybe it's a simple matter of not believing that I can shift how I use my time. Perhaps I don't believe strongly enough in my own ability to create change. But haven't I been doing it all along?
We have family visiting from out of town for the next couple weeks, which I know will throw off my morning time. I will allow my best intentions to be just that for now, while I accept what each day brings with it and make adjustments until my morning practice suits me.
Tomorrow I will wake up believing, with all my might, that I can make tiny changes towards bigger progress. If we believe the impossible, will it become possible?