Sunday, July 28, 2013

Contemplating Closure

a break in the fence
I've spent many quiet, solitary days in reflection over the last few weeks, and while it hasn't been especially productive in the painterly way, I continue to feel like I'm making progress on my creative life.

I'm finally feeling more of an urge to reread old blog posts from my year of creativity. It's been a slow, but happily enlightening process. I didn't realize that could be what was missing as I went from being totally consumed by a daily creative project to being in a state of "now what do I do with myself?"
Suddenly there is a sense of closure (though slightly bittersweet), and I feel as if I may be getting closer to articulating what I learned in the past year of mindful creating.

I get the sense that this was mostly just interesting and important to me, and perhaps to a few fellow travelers of the creative path, but still I'm so glad I documented the journey. It's how I made sense of things, and now I can sit back and witness the evolution of my 365 Days of Creative...and the evolution of my creative soul.

I keep thinking: I'm so glad I wrote down that thought and snapped that photo and painted that picture! I have in my possession the artifacts of a year in the life of my creative spirit. Among the artifacts are poems, photographs, artful expressions in a mix of medias, and personal essays about my creative process. It was all born from authentic creating, from trial and error, from the voice of a wide-eyed beginner. Sometimes I don't even recognize my own voice, my own thoughts. "Wow! I had that epiphany?! Gosh I'm deep," I joke to myself.

Now, my big questions are, what do I do with all the by-products of my creative year- the learning that came from the creations? And do I really want this bittersweet closure?

There is a slight ache in my heart from the feeling of detachment from that prolifically creative me that thrived on making art of my everyday. 
Is this really something I want to close the lid on? I feel like there is a way back down that rabbit hole if I want it- a break in the fence that I can slip through.

I can't help but feel deep down in my gut (even without much evidence in my mind), this is more of a beginning than an ending...
and not so much a closing, but a great big opening of possibilities.

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