Sunday, August 11, 2013

Easy Like Sunday Morning

Oceanfront yoga was beautiful today. Sylvia, a new teacher, led our small group. She reminded us to bring awareness to our spirit. That was my intention. I was so connected to my breath, so aware of every movement of my body. My mind did not wander like it usually does. I didn't even catch myself thinking ahead to what I wanted to get done today. I just stayed in the moment, in my practice, in the sun- fully open to receiving the gifts of this day.

On the bike ride home, I decided to take the long way back around the bay. The usually crowded boardwalk was a clear path in front of my tire. I didn't hurry. I just pedaled rhythmically, noticing the sun on my knees, the sound of the waves, the smell of the jade flowers mixing with the salty air.

As I rounded the first bend on the path home, passing a familiar orange house, I noticed there was something written in chalk on the entryway fence:

"Relax, God is in control."

Another timely message from a kind Universe. 
Just this morning, I was lying in bed considering how different my experience at this point on my path would be if I released control, if I slowed down my search for answers and solutions and took time to listen to my heart.

I have moments of understanding with this and have written about living this way, but in my day-to-day I find myself reacting with agitation to the feeling of time hurling forward. I find myself gripping, slipping into holding patterns, having unreasonable expectations and self-imposed anxieties. I hold so firmly to what I want to accomplish, ignoring pleas from my soul to slow down, letting ambition cloud my experience. All in an effort to control the outcome.

This is not how I want to live! Now or in my future.

Perhaps this is why I've been so slow to learn from my "aha" moments. I have yet to fully understand how to gently hold my vision, faithfully nurture my creative dreams and continue boldly on my path- while surrendering control and letting my life unfold the way it is meant to.

Somewhere along the way, I got it into my head that I am the maker of my destiny, that I am solely responsible for my happy life, that it's all up to me to create this experience.

When did I forget the truth?

Today I acknowledged, with a deep sigh of relief, a softening in my chest, and a few soul-lifting tears:

I am a maker,

but I am not THE Maker.

And just like that,

a shift occurs,

and it becomes easy, like Sunday morning.

1 comment:

  1. Wow. Yes. I am right there with you on my path. I am just beginning to see the light. Beautifully written, thank you.